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| So You Want to Be a Work-at-Home Mom details all the basics of starting a business in a spiritual, motivational, and comprehensive manner. From deciding what type of business to start to keeping your family and faith first, this helpful tool details every aspect of establishing a business. With proven success tips utilized by the authors and others who own work-at-home businesses, this inspiration approach will provide you with the resources you need to start your own home-based business. So You Want to Be a Work-at-Home Mom includes: About the Authors
Below is an interview with the authors of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom – Jill & Diana.
How long have you been working at home? Jill Hart - I've been working at home since 2000. I had to go back to work full-time for a brief period in 2003 when my husband got out of the Air Force. At that point I got even more serious about making my business work and I've been home full-time since then. Diana Ennen – I’ve been working at home since 1985, when my son was born. He’s now graduated college and already working towards his own career. I absolutely love it. I can’t imagine doing anything else.
What types of businesses do you operate? Jill Hart – I run Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com, a website full of free resources, job listings and information about home businesses. I also write articles and books (yes, more books to come!) and am a blogger for sites like Time/Warner's Christian Momlogic.com and a member of the Guideposts blogger team Diana Ennen– I’m the President of Virtual Word Publishing. I’m a virtual assistant and specialize in marketing & publicity. I’ve also written numerous books on how to start a VA business and offer PR and VA Coaching.
Tell us about your book? How do you think it can benefit those who want to start a business? Jill Hart - The book has been such a "God thing." He orchestrated the entire sequence of events - from putting Diana and I together as co-authors to bringing us to the right publisher. The book is a hands-on practical guide for anyone who wants to build a business from home. We cover topics ranging from how to select the right type of business for you, to how to get started, to how to market and grow your business. Diana Ennen - I think one of the best features of our book is that it’s not only informative, but motivational as well. You’ll feel like friends are helping you on your journey to success. Also, we discuss numerous types of businesses to start and provide proven methods to achieve success. We also often hear how starting a business can be so overwhelming. That’s why we pay special attention to all the how tos. We feel very confident our book will help, not only those starting a business, but those already in business wanting to expand it.
What types of businesses are featured in your book? Jill Hart - We have such a great range of contributors - everything from direct sales companies like Southern Living at Home and Avon to unique product-driven businesses like BSM Media and GrillCharms. These woman are amazing and give readers a great insight into how they've grown their businesses in very different ways. Diana Ennen - We cover everything from direct sales companies to specialized areas such as medical transcription and virtual assisting. Also, Jill shares detailed information on starting a community based membership site. We think you’ll get a lot of helpful tips too from such work-at-home powerhouses as Maria Bailey and Lesley Spencer Pyle.
Do you have any tips for success for Christian entrepreneurs that you’d like to share? Jill Hart - I think my favorite tip - shared with me by one of our contributors, Tammy Degenhart, almost ten years ago is that working together benefits everyone. She told me, "Jill, what you give to others God brings back tenfold" and I've seen that hold true time and time again. It may not be in financial gains and it may not look like what we expected but God is so faithful in that when we work together there is no competition - it's a win-win situation. Diana Ennen - Do what you believe in and use your own skills and prior experience to find the business that’s just right for you. Research/Research/Research. The more you research, the better your business. Continue to market and be out there. So many once they find a few clients stop marketing. You need to get out there continually. You then become the go to person when someone needs services or products that you offer.
What are some of the challenges that you see with those starting or operating a business? Jill Hart – In my experience, I've talked with many women who get frustrated because success doesn't come easily or quickly. Working from home may sound easy, but in reality it can actually be just as hard as working outside the home. There are many unique challenges, especially when working at home while raising children. If women don't prepare themselves, they can become discouraged and disheartened. Diana Ennen– One of the major challenges I see is losing belief in yourself that you can do it. That’s why I think a faith-based book will be so beneficial. Even when times get tough, you can rely on your faith to forge ahead.
With the economy, do you believe it’s still a good time to start a business? Why? Jill Hart – I think it's a better time than ever. The internet is so much more widely used than it was even nine years ago when I began my website. If people do their research and find a company that fits them as well as their budget this can be a great time to break into the work-at-home field. Diana Ennen – Absolutely. In fact, I think there’s never been a better time. You might have to work a little harder, but it absolutely can be done. Plus, there are so many businesses who need us more than ever because of the economy. For example, with virtual assistants because businesses are downsizing they are seeking the help of a VA to help on an as needed basis.
Your book is written from a Christian perspective? Tell us a little about that and how you feel that makes it so unique? Jill Hart – My faith is central to who I am and therefore central to my business. I began Christian Work at Home Moms because I wanted women to have a safe place where they could discuss not only business things, but also talk about an area that doesn't get talked about a lot in business circles - how our faith affects our businesses. The book is written in a way that doesn't hit anyone over the head with our faith, but it's true to who we are and talks about things from the vantage point that we see life - through the lens of our faith. Diana Ennen – There are so many books out there today on starting a business. However, few have the Christian mom in mind. We provide a lot of scriptures and examples of how you can use your faith to help you. Our hope is that not only will your business thrive, but it might just give a little boost to your faith as well.
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Saturday, September 5, 2009
Work At Home
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Such a Vivid Dream
I hadn't even been thinking of her much lately, certainly not focusing on dates. It snuck up on me quite by surprise this year, Noel's due date, Sept. 2. It was "Labor Day" that year that she was due, the day I was to have been "in labor". Since all my babies have come early, she probably whould have been an August baby instead...
I guess a mother's heart just can't forget, try as I might. For last night in my dreams I held a very vidid conversation with a friend all about Noel and how she was "about to turn 14". I didn't even realize until late in the day that TODAY was Sept. 2 nor connect that the dream was about this very date.
I know I'm rambling, but I can't go to sleep without at least saying, "Happy birthday, my sweet child. You were the first to touch my womb and Mommy will always hold a special place in my heart for you. I miss you even still and look forward to finally wrapping my arms around you and getting to know you some day in Heaven."
What would it be like to have a teenage daughter, a young woman on the verge of becoming an adult, in our home today? This wasn't God's perfect plan and I honestly can't imagine such a different reality than the one we live right now. But every now and then I can picture her and wonder about what could have been. Needing to focus once again on God's beautiful plan for our family just as He chose to build it rather than getting caught up in daydreams (or night dreams) about what can never be.
I guess a mother's heart just can't forget, try as I might. For last night in my dreams I held a very vidid conversation with a friend all about Noel and how she was "about to turn 14". I didn't even realize until late in the day that TODAY was Sept. 2 nor connect that the dream was about this very date.
I know I'm rambling, but I can't go to sleep without at least saying, "Happy birthday, my sweet child. You were the first to touch my womb and Mommy will always hold a special place in my heart for you. I miss you even still and look forward to finally wrapping my arms around you and getting to know you some day in Heaven."
What would it be like to have a teenage daughter, a young woman on the verge of becoming an adult, in our home today? This wasn't God's perfect plan and I honestly can't imagine such a different reality than the one we live right now. But every now and then I can picture her and wonder about what could have been. Needing to focus once again on God's beautiful plan for our family just as He chose to build it rather than getting caught up in daydreams (or night dreams) about what can never be.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
IVIG 4, heading to Stanford, and a Busy September
While this will be a long post, it covers many things. It is not a reflection of my energy level, but rather a collection of things I've coppied/pasted here over the past several days, not having the energy to make a coherant post out of any of it until now. So thank you in advance for bearing with my bullet-point method today and I hope you find something of use or interest in my collection of "stuff".
- I'm so excited! My fundraiser for the Whittemore Peterson Institute benefit tickets is about 90% funded now. When I set up that link I really had no idea what to expect, but my friends have been so generous and I'm so thankful! Does anyone else want to "Help Me Dance" on Sept. 12?
My infusion Sunday was "exciting" and I'll share details in a moment. Here are Tweets I posted yesterday moring (12 hours post infusion) in 140 or less word chunks:
- Insomnia thanks to #migraine meds
- 4th IVIG included pounding chest & need for oxygen tank but benadryl kept throat from swelling. Hope it helps in the long run. #cfs #mecfs
- PICC line made yesterday so much better. No 1/2 hour digging for IV veins! #mecfs #cfids #cfs #chronic #illness #infusion IVIG
- I've been awake since 2AM. If I try to go back to bed at 5 will I just make myself too groggy to function by 7 or help later???
- Decided 2 take a shower rather than get groggy going back 2 bed. Was pretty funny plastic wrapping my PICC arm! #mecfs #insomnia #infusion
------------------------
So yes, I had my PICC installed on Friday. The process of getting to the hospital, registering, getting set up in a sterile room, double checking everything for latex-free, and getting my arm ready for the doctor was all rather lengthy, but the instalation itself was over in about 5 minutes. I had a little vertigo entering the room and was quite dizzy sitting back up after the procedure (reminded me of the Tilt Table test when they uprighted me afterwards), but overall it was pretty easy. My body didn't like the stress of having a tube inserted from my arm to my heart, or maybe it reacted to the mild anesthesia (?) but I ran about 102 temp most of Friday afternoon.
A sweet friend watched all three kids from 7AM to nearly noon while I got the PICC, went up to infusion for training on homecare and jumped through the hoops of trying to get homecare supplies. Sarah even fed me lunch when I got back to her house to pick up the kids! When my homecare supplies and insurance process were finally ready about 4, my mom (just 10 days out from her knee replacement surgery) drove me to my appointment to pick up supplies and we spent another 90 minutes their receiving their training along with a "sale's pitch" of why we should be doing infusions through their center rather than at the hospital that our insurance approved. (Um, yeah, I'm just happy to have insurance approval on this. I am NOT rocking the boat by telling my insurance that I want to change anything! And as long as I'm as reactive as I am, I really feel safer having my infusions in a hospital setting in case something goes really wrong.)
Amazingly, and all I can think is that this is testament that the IVIG is doing SOMETHING positive for my body already, by the time I got home from the supply clinic and normally would have fallen flat on my face, my fever had broken and I felt good enough to join my family for a couple of hours at the state fair! This is so far removed from anything in my normal reality that I can't even put it into words. Friends, I didn't even use a wheelchair!!!!!
At the infusion on Sunday we started off with benadryl in hopes of offsetting the tight chest and burning/swollen throat and tongue I had experienced the previous week. It was so nice to walk in, hook up my PICC and not have any pokes! I did OK for the first while of the IV, then started getting a tight chest again and broke out the inhailer. That helped, but only for half an hour or so. I got a sore throat again, but not nearly as bad as the previous week and it did not progress to feeling swollen or involving my tongue. Then my chest started getting tighter and tighter and hurting more and more, with aching down my left arm as well. (That was also the arm with the fresh PICC and big bruise, so hard to say exactly what pain was coming from what.)
My nurse was working with chemo for another patient, so I couldn't immediately get her attention when I started having trouble breathing, but the moment she noticed my distress she ran over to flip off my IV and stuck oxygen in my nose. I don't have a very clear memory of nearly half an hour there (I know the timeline only because a show was just starting on Food Network when I started feeling like I was in real trouble and it was ending when I became more "aware" and stabalized again). At some point she was able to finish the chemo start and get back over to me to monitor my vitals and she said my heart was racing pretty hard. It's a scary process, but we are hopeful and prayerful that in the end it will prove worthwhile.
I think one of the hardest parts of the day was having my husband and kids get there to pick me up at the end and seeing them trying to process walking in on a very sick looking Mommy still hooked up to the last few minutes of my IV drip, the blood pressure, the pulse/02 monitor, and oxygen still in my nose. I am always sick, but I don't "look sick" most of the time, so this was something new for all of us to process.
A migraine hit at bedtime that night but we got on top of it right away, including meds and sleeping on an ice pack and when I woke up at 2AM I felt much better (but then could never get back to sleep). I ended up going into my sons' room about 10:30 yesterday morning to help our little one put away his stuffed animals and closed my eyes "just for a minute" and woke up about 1PM to a ringing phone! The kids had been good as gold, with the little guy curled up asleep with me and the older two quietly entertaining themselves and not even making any messes. I had no idea I had konked out like that!!!
For the next several hours I felt just a touch dizzy and a bit narcoleptic (every time I sat down or tried to read anything I either couldn't keep my eyes open to focus or actually did fall asleep again) and my throat was sore and raspy. There is absolutely no way I would have even thought of attempting to drive under those conditions as I could have easily fallen asleep behind the wheel before even getting to the end of my own street. My husband talked to me over the phone about 1:30 and said I "sounded drugged" but I really felt pretty good other than the sleepiness. I do know I have some cognative stuff going on as I'm having problems getting out words at times or typing the right words (this post has been edited and re-edited more times than I can count, just to be readable), but I felt some of the sweetest more "rested" feeling I have felt in a long time yesterday afternoon. I can't remember the last time I just felt "sleepy" - that warm cozy, "I want to curl up like a cat and take a lazy nap" feeling - rather than truly "exhausted" - that kind of pain and fatigue and extreem tiredness that can't be slept away and doesn't feel the least bit cozy. Yesterday I actually felt "sleepy" for the first time I can remember in litterally YEARS!!!!
I did have a bit of trouble getting back to sleep last night (finally crashed about 11) but once I got to sleep I slept soundly. This morning I gladly could have kept sleeping probably for several more hours, but our 3-year-old had other ideas and I've been up since about 7. I'm feeling more on the tired end of the spectrum again this morning rather than just sleepy, but still feeling better than many days. I am pretty sore today, all over, but again, certainly not my worst day. It's only 9AM, so it's hard to say how the day will unfold, but I'm hopeful that we will get back on track with school today since yesterday I couldn't focus to read.
- For all our family is enduring, I am continually reminded of just how easy we have it, how blessed we are. My heart is heavy for many, but if I could especially ask your prayers for two families, I would greatly appreciate having you join me before the Throne of grace on behalf of the Evans and the Schneiders.
Dan and Barb Evans are missionaries with Cadence International (the orgization my parents have ministerd with for 37 years) and Barb has just had surgery for a brain tumor that they are now saying will take her life within about 4 months. She has two adopted miracle children, I believe about ages 5 and 10 with the older one having some developmental delays of his own. I'm following Dan's updates on Twitter.
The Schneiders are a family from our homeschool co-op. Their older daughter was in a class with our older son about a year ago and their daughter, Erica, was in a class with our daughter when they were both 5. Erica has been undergoing treatment for Lukemia ever since. It has been a brutal year for this family. Erica is about to enter the most harsh stage of her treatment and will have a double course (typically only given once) but if this does not completely wipe out the cancer with the double course, there will be no more options and she will have less than 5 more years to live. I watch the cancer patients come in and out of the infusion center each week and know a bit of what they go through - I simply cannot imagine the pain and fear any child must process to endure all that or what it would be like to be a parent helpless to stop the horror for your baby.
- This Friday is my final appointment in follow up for the foot I broke last May. I'm doing well enough that I think I will just cancel the appointment. It's so nice to have something actually healing well! :)
- I'll have my 5th IVIG infusion on Sunday the 6th, then we leave the next day for the tedious drive to Stanford to meet with another specalist there on the 9th. If I'm at all able to still function by then, we will be back in Reno for the I Hope You Dance institute dinner on the 12th, though I will be thankful even to be functional enough to attend in a wheelchair after the trip to the Bay and back!
- We are still looking forward to our RV trip (the free rental I won by blogging) the end of the month and hope that works well as I can lay in bed as much as I need to while we travel. I have three articles I'm needing to write for September deadlines, two as a Natural Beauty Expert for Dr. Mommy and one I'm really excited about for (In)Courage on the topic of hope, and a radio interview for Rest Ministries National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week (NICIAW) at noon on the 15th. It's a big month and I appreciate your prayers for wisdom in knowing my priorities and strength for each step God calls me to take.
- I'm so excited! My fundraiser for the Whittemore Peterson Institute benefit tickets is about 90% funded now. When I set up that link I really had no idea what to expect, but my friends have been so generous and I'm so thankful! Does anyone else want to "Help Me Dance" on Sept. 12?
My infusion Sunday was "exciting" and I'll share details in a moment. Here are Tweets I posted yesterday moring (12 hours post infusion) in 140 or less word chunks:
- Insomnia thanks to #migraine meds
- 4th IVIG included pounding chest & need for oxygen tank but benadryl kept throat from swelling. Hope it helps in the long run. #cfs #mecfs
- PICC line made yesterday so much better. No 1/2 hour digging for IV veins! #mecfs #cfids #cfs #chronic #illness #infusion IVIG
- I've been awake since 2AM. If I try to go back to bed at 5 will I just make myself too groggy to function by 7 or help later???
- Decided 2 take a shower rather than get groggy going back 2 bed. Was pretty funny plastic wrapping my PICC arm! #mecfs #insomnia #infusion
------------------------
So yes, I had my PICC installed on Friday. The process of getting to the hospital, registering, getting set up in a sterile room, double checking everything for latex-free, and getting my arm ready for the doctor was all rather lengthy, but the instalation itself was over in about 5 minutes. I had a little vertigo entering the room and was quite dizzy sitting back up after the procedure (reminded me of the Tilt Table test when they uprighted me afterwards), but overall it was pretty easy. My body didn't like the stress of having a tube inserted from my arm to my heart, or maybe it reacted to the mild anesthesia (?) but I ran about 102 temp most of Friday afternoon.
A sweet friend watched all three kids from 7AM to nearly noon while I got the PICC, went up to infusion for training on homecare and jumped through the hoops of trying to get homecare supplies. Sarah even fed me lunch when I got back to her house to pick up the kids! When my homecare supplies and insurance process were finally ready about 4, my mom (just 10 days out from her knee replacement surgery) drove me to my appointment to pick up supplies and we spent another 90 minutes their receiving their training along with a "sale's pitch" of why we should be doing infusions through their center rather than at the hospital that our insurance approved. (Um, yeah, I'm just happy to have insurance approval on this. I am NOT rocking the boat by telling my insurance that I want to change anything! And as long as I'm as reactive as I am, I really feel safer having my infusions in a hospital setting in case something goes really wrong.)
Amazingly, and all I can think is that this is testament that the IVIG is doing SOMETHING positive for my body already, by the time I got home from the supply clinic and normally would have fallen flat on my face, my fever had broken and I felt good enough to join my family for a couple of hours at the state fair! This is so far removed from anything in my normal reality that I can't even put it into words. Friends, I didn't even use a wheelchair!!!!!
At the infusion on Sunday we started off with benadryl in hopes of offsetting the tight chest and burning/swollen throat and tongue I had experienced the previous week. It was so nice to walk in, hook up my PICC and not have any pokes! I did OK for the first while of the IV, then started getting a tight chest again and broke out the inhailer. That helped, but only for half an hour or so. I got a sore throat again, but not nearly as bad as the previous week and it did not progress to feeling swollen or involving my tongue. Then my chest started getting tighter and tighter and hurting more and more, with aching down my left arm as well. (That was also the arm with the fresh PICC and big bruise, so hard to say exactly what pain was coming from what.)
My nurse was working with chemo for another patient, so I couldn't immediately get her attention when I started having trouble breathing, but the moment she noticed my distress she ran over to flip off my IV and stuck oxygen in my nose. I don't have a very clear memory of nearly half an hour there (I know the timeline only because a show was just starting on Food Network when I started feeling like I was in real trouble and it was ending when I became more "aware" and stabalized again). At some point she was able to finish the chemo start and get back over to me to monitor my vitals and she said my heart was racing pretty hard. It's a scary process, but we are hopeful and prayerful that in the end it will prove worthwhile.
I think one of the hardest parts of the day was having my husband and kids get there to pick me up at the end and seeing them trying to process walking in on a very sick looking Mommy still hooked up to the last few minutes of my IV drip, the blood pressure, the pulse/02 monitor, and oxygen still in my nose. I am always sick, but I don't "look sick" most of the time, so this was something new for all of us to process.
A migraine hit at bedtime that night but we got on top of it right away, including meds and sleeping on an ice pack and when I woke up at 2AM I felt much better (but then could never get back to sleep). I ended up going into my sons' room about 10:30 yesterday morning to help our little one put away his stuffed animals and closed my eyes "just for a minute" and woke up about 1PM to a ringing phone! The kids had been good as gold, with the little guy curled up asleep with me and the older two quietly entertaining themselves and not even making any messes. I had no idea I had konked out like that!!!
For the next several hours I felt just a touch dizzy and a bit narcoleptic (every time I sat down or tried to read anything I either couldn't keep my eyes open to focus or actually did fall asleep again) and my throat was sore and raspy. There is absolutely no way I would have even thought of attempting to drive under those conditions as I could have easily fallen asleep behind the wheel before even getting to the end of my own street. My husband talked to me over the phone about 1:30 and said I "sounded drugged" but I really felt pretty good other than the sleepiness. I do know I have some cognative stuff going on as I'm having problems getting out words at times or typing the right words (this post has been edited and re-edited more times than I can count, just to be readable), but I felt some of the sweetest more "rested" feeling I have felt in a long time yesterday afternoon. I can't remember the last time I just felt "sleepy" - that warm cozy, "I want to curl up like a cat and take a lazy nap" feeling - rather than truly "exhausted" - that kind of pain and fatigue and extreem tiredness that can't be slept away and doesn't feel the least bit cozy. Yesterday I actually felt "sleepy" for the first time I can remember in litterally YEARS!!!!
I did have a bit of trouble getting back to sleep last night (finally crashed about 11) but once I got to sleep I slept soundly. This morning I gladly could have kept sleeping probably for several more hours, but our 3-year-old had other ideas and I've been up since about 7. I'm feeling more on the tired end of the spectrum again this morning rather than just sleepy, but still feeling better than many days. I am pretty sore today, all over, but again, certainly not my worst day. It's only 9AM, so it's hard to say how the day will unfold, but I'm hopeful that we will get back on track with school today since yesterday I couldn't focus to read.
- For all our family is enduring, I am continually reminded of just how easy we have it, how blessed we are. My heart is heavy for many, but if I could especially ask your prayers for two families, I would greatly appreciate having you join me before the Throne of grace on behalf of the Evans and the Schneiders.
Dan and Barb Evans are missionaries with Cadence International (the orgization my parents have ministerd with for 37 years) and Barb has just had surgery for a brain tumor that they are now saying will take her life within about 4 months. She has two adopted miracle children, I believe about ages 5 and 10 with the older one having some developmental delays of his own. I'm following Dan's updates on Twitter.
The Schneiders are a family from our homeschool co-op. Their older daughter was in a class with our older son about a year ago and their daughter, Erica, was in a class with our daughter when they were both 5. Erica has been undergoing treatment for Lukemia ever since. It has been a brutal year for this family. Erica is about to enter the most harsh stage of her treatment and will have a double course (typically only given once) but if this does not completely wipe out the cancer with the double course, there will be no more options and she will have less than 5 more years to live. I watch the cancer patients come in and out of the infusion center each week and know a bit of what they go through - I simply cannot imagine the pain and fear any child must process to endure all that or what it would be like to be a parent helpless to stop the horror for your baby.
- This Friday is my final appointment in follow up for the foot I broke last May. I'm doing well enough that I think I will just cancel the appointment. It's so nice to have something actually healing well! :)
- I'll have my 5th IVIG infusion on Sunday the 6th, then we leave the next day for the tedious drive to Stanford to meet with another specalist there on the 9th. If I'm at all able to still function by then, we will be back in Reno for the I Hope You Dance institute dinner on the 12th, though I will be thankful even to be functional enough to attend in a wheelchair after the trip to the Bay and back!
- We are still looking forward to our RV trip (the free rental I won by blogging) the end of the month and hope that works well as I can lay in bed as much as I need to while we travel. I have three articles I'm needing to write for September deadlines, two as a Natural Beauty Expert for Dr. Mommy and one I'm really excited about for (In)Courage on the topic of hope, and a radio interview for Rest Ministries National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week (NICIAW) at noon on the 15th. It's a big month and I appreciate your prayers for wisdom in knowing my priorities and strength for each step God calls me to take.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Fears of Infertility
After so many years of "IF" (infertility), my heart will never be far from the journey nor from those still walking this heartache. Recently a member of the Hannah's Prayer Community Forums posted her thoughts and fears in the early steps of realizing she was no longer just trying to conceive, but living the realities of infertility. I will not comment further, but rather let her post speak for itself...
Kristina, thank you for your courage to put into words what so many of us have to process in our hearts and for graciously letting me share these fears with my readers.
Since introducing myself and lurking around here a while, I've finally come to the point that I can identify what I'm feeling, and right now it's fear. I KNOW that we are to be anxious about nothing, but all of this seems so new and terrible to me that I don't really know how not to be afraid of it without ignoring what I'm fearful of, and I know that's not the answer either. I'm hoping some of you wise women will have some wisdom to share, although to be honest I'm hoping I'll magically end up with a BFP ["Big Fat Positive" pregnancy test] this month and not have to worry about it anymore. But here goes.
I'm afraid I'll be "sick." - I've always been healthy and I'm afraid of finding out that I'm really afflicted with something and spend the rest of my life seeing doctors, trying different meds, and having surgeries. I'm a nurse- I've seen this life, I've never wanted it. I'm afraid that this not-conceiving thing is just a symptom of whatever is medically wrong with me.
I'm afraid of losing my ability to love children. - All my life all I've done is work with kids. In church, at my job, in social gatherings. I gravitate towards them naturally. I'm afraid of not being able to enjoy them any more, and of losing that part of my identity, the one that's "good with kids."
I'm afraid of financial strain. - I know that we'd like to adopt, but I'd also like to start that process as soon as possible instead of using all of our resources on fertility treatments first and then having nothing left over to adopt with. This isn't really high on my list of fears, but I find myself researching adoption options already when we haven't even been to see the doctor yet. DH won't even discuss a "what if" until we've tried for "a while longer" (how long is 'a while' again?)
I'm afraid of depression. - Self-explanatory. Both my parents struggled with depression, and the pain is so overwhelming sometimes that I wonder if I'm not slipping towards it too. I really don't think so right now, but can I take years of this?
I'm afraid of being outcast. - Having to explain my status to every new person I meet. Right now it's not too hard, we've "only" been married for 2 years, after all, and I look several years younger than I am. But this can't last much longer. I'm a pretty private person (read: pronounced introvert), and I hate being known by my 'status.' It can be hard enough for me to make friends sometimes anyway. I don't want a stigma over my head too.
I'm afraid of no babies. - Obviously! But really, I always wanted 6 kids at least. Can I really handle none?
I'm afraid of a spiritual reason for IF. - Sometimes, I know God doesn't allow "good things" because of something else we'll deal with in our lives. What if I can't have kids because I'm going to die of cancer next year and God didn't want to leave my husband alone and with an orphan? I know that's far fetched, but maybe you'll understand. If I can't have kids because of something coming that would be terrible for children, I don't know if I want to go through that either.
*sigh.* That might be it. We have an appointment with my gyn soon. Hopefully we can get most of my blood work paid for by using the "irregular cycles" and "painful menstruation" card since IF labs aren't covered. Anybody know how much a SA runs?
But, to be positive too:
I'm grateful for my DH [Dear Husband] - He is kind, understanding, and (almost) totally on the same page as I am. He holds me when I'm sad and tells me we're just going to take it 1 step at a time. And he's not scared of "putting sperm in a cup" as he calls it!
I'm grateful that I've been through pain in the past - Because I have some idea how to handle rough emotions. Not the same, but helpful nonetheless
I'm grateful that we had 1 year of of marriage footloose and fancy-free before baby-making started to hang over our heads. I'd hate to have started my marriage with months of disappointment.
I'm grateful, of course, for God's grace - And try to remember to pray for the sons he wants to bring into His kingdom when I feel the pain of not having any in my life yet. I'm grateful His heart for the world hurts just as much (more, actually) than mine at the thought of the children He wants for himself. Our God knows the spirit of ALL our infirmities, and I am so grateful to know that.
Thanks ladies, for listening, and for any strength you might be able to add to my journey. It helps a lot to know that I am not alone in this battle, and to be reminded that my worth isn't based on the outcome of a child.
Kristina, thank you for your courage to put into words what so many of us have to process in our hearts and for graciously letting me share these fears with my readers.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
3rd IVIG "Are you getting better yet?"
Well, here it is Thurday and I'm finally up to posting about Sunday. Honestly, it's been a very hard week. Friends are starting to ask, "Are the IVs working yet?" and I'm just not sure how to answer that. I've only had 3 out of 12-24 so far. The IVs themselves have been pretty rough and my arms look like bruised hamberger since it's taking 2-3 nurses nearly half an hour each week to find a good vein that will accept a needle and not end up bursting once the needle is in. (I ususally am complimented by lab techs on my great veins and easy pokes, so this is really strange.) They have ordered a PICC line (sort of a deep-vein IV administered via local anestesia and ultrasound and kept in until the whole course of treatment is finished) before Sunday's treatment but we are waiting to see if the insurance approval and scheduling all come through on time.
I had a bit of a reaction to last week's IV - tight chest, burning throat, hurting and slightly swelling tongue on top of the normal nausia and general sense of "icky" I feel during a treatment - but will be taking benadryl with each treatment from now on, so hopefully we can keep moving forward with them. The one thing I have amazingly and thankfully not had to deal with during either of the past 2 treatments has been a headache; what a welcome relief after the doozie I had during my first treatment! This morning is the first morning all week when I haven't felt like I had been hit by a truck when I tried to wake up. When I say "feel like I was hit by a truck," that's not an exageration or figure of speach. On Monday morning I felt so much pain, so much exhaustion and heaviness in every part of my body, so much swelling an puffiness in my face making it hard to even open my eyes, pounding headache, and still such a raw and burning throat, now accompanied by a dry cough and lingering heavy/tight chest, that I honestly could not imagine that being hit and thrown by a moving vehicle could have felt any more difficult!
This morning I'm certainly not feeling "great" but I am feeling functional for the first morning all week. I'm in some pain, but not too bad, and I don't feel like I have a heavy cloud hanging around my head like I have every morning so far this week. I can open my eyes all the way without causing more pain and I seem to have a measure of energy that is a welcome relief! Afternoons, overall, have been better than my mornings this week, so if I'm starting out today on a better note to begin with, I am quite hopeful that I will have some good portions of the day today, tomorrow and Saturday before having to start all over again with Sunday's IV.
I guess if we are trying to measure immediate results from the IVs, that may be saying something, as I normally couldn't go from a "hit by a truck" morning (though this Monday's "hit" was much worse than anything I've normally experience when I've used that statement more figuratively in the past) to functional enough to start a new homeschool year with my kids that same afternoon. I couldn't normally have a Monday (and Tuesday and Wednesday) like I've had and actually wake up to a Thursday like today. So yes, I guess we must be making some form of progress so far, but it is definately coming at a price.
New to my blog and not sure what I'm even talking about here? Check out my recent post Will You Help Me Dance? (fighting CFS). A couple other helpful posts are my article on Coping With Crisis on Top of Chronic and information on the upcoming National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week where I will be one of 20 speakers for a virtural conference Sept. 14-20. Thanks for taking a moment to check out these links! :)
I had a bit of a reaction to last week's IV - tight chest, burning throat, hurting and slightly swelling tongue on top of the normal nausia and general sense of "icky" I feel during a treatment - but will be taking benadryl with each treatment from now on, so hopefully we can keep moving forward with them. The one thing I have amazingly and thankfully not had to deal with during either of the past 2 treatments has been a headache; what a welcome relief after the doozie I had during my first treatment! This morning is the first morning all week when I haven't felt like I had been hit by a truck when I tried to wake up. When I say "feel like I was hit by a truck," that's not an exageration or figure of speach. On Monday morning I felt so much pain, so much exhaustion and heaviness in every part of my body, so much swelling an puffiness in my face making it hard to even open my eyes, pounding headache, and still such a raw and burning throat, now accompanied by a dry cough and lingering heavy/tight chest, that I honestly could not imagine that being hit and thrown by a moving vehicle could have felt any more difficult!
This morning I'm certainly not feeling "great" but I am feeling functional for the first morning all week. I'm in some pain, but not too bad, and I don't feel like I have a heavy cloud hanging around my head like I have every morning so far this week. I can open my eyes all the way without causing more pain and I seem to have a measure of energy that is a welcome relief! Afternoons, overall, have been better than my mornings this week, so if I'm starting out today on a better note to begin with, I am quite hopeful that I will have some good portions of the day today, tomorrow and Saturday before having to start all over again with Sunday's IV.
I guess if we are trying to measure immediate results from the IVs, that may be saying something, as I normally couldn't go from a "hit by a truck" morning (though this Monday's "hit" was much worse than anything I've normally experience when I've used that statement more figuratively in the past) to functional enough to start a new homeschool year with my kids that same afternoon. I couldn't normally have a Monday (and Tuesday and Wednesday) like I've had and actually wake up to a Thursday like today. So yes, I guess we must be making some form of progress so far, but it is definately coming at a price.
New to my blog and not sure what I'm even talking about here? Check out my recent post Will You Help Me Dance? (fighting CFS). A couple other helpful posts are my article on Coping With Crisis on Top of Chronic and information on the upcoming National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week where I will be one of 20 speakers for a virtural conference Sept. 14-20. Thanks for taking a moment to check out these links! :)
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Will You Help Me Dance? (fighting CFS)
I've lived with a serious, disabling and chronic neuro immune illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) for the past 19 years. This illness goes by many names including Post-Infectious Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS), Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) and in the past was known as chronic Epstein-Barr virus (CEBV). You can find out more and learn the answers to questions such as, "What is ME/CFS?" or "Is it contagious?" by visiting the FAQs at the Whittemore Peterson Institute's website.
The Whittemore Peterson Institute is working hard to find both the root cause, as well as a potential cure, for CFS. They are a wonderful, compassionate group of researchers who have given me more hope in the fight against this illness than I have ever had. To help them keep moving forward, I would love to be able to purchase two tickets to their fundraising event, I Hope You Dance, on Sept. 12, 2009. I cannot afford these tickets on my own, but am asking my friends to consider chipping in to help me out.
Fundraiser tickets are $250 each. I would love to be able to purchase two, one for myself and one for my husband, so that we can attend this event and learn more about the ongoing strides at WPI. I'm asking you to consider helping me earn my way this benefit with your donation of even a dollar or two. For each person who helps me out with $5 or more, I will enter your name/email into a drawing for $30 in free products from Affordable Mineral Makeup™. If you can send me $10 or more, I will enter your name/email in a drawing for a Flower Bead Set necklace and bracelet from Gurrlie Girl ($68 value; or you may specify that you would prefer 2 entries into the makeup give-away if you would prefer). Any gift of $20 or more will get you entered into both drawings!
Whatever I can collect from this little drive will be donated to the Whittemore Peterson Institute even if I don't reach my ticket purchase goal, so ever little bit helps!!! Today it's a struggle even to walk, sometimes I'm in a wheelchair or simply in bed. Riding a bike just to the end of my block is no longer an option. Swimming is too much for me. Climbing a flight of stairs is overwhelming and leaves me breathless, wobbly and in pain. But I have hope that someday I will have a body that functions as it should again, and then I will be able to dance! Will you help me?
The Whittemore Peterson Institute is working hard to find both the root cause, as well as a potential cure, for CFS. They are a wonderful, compassionate group of researchers who have given me more hope in the fight against this illness than I have ever had. To help them keep moving forward, I would love to be able to purchase two tickets to their fundraising event, I Hope You Dance, on Sept. 12, 2009. I cannot afford these tickets on my own, but am asking my friends to consider chipping in to help me out.
Fundraiser tickets are $250 each. I would love to be able to purchase two, one for myself and one for my husband, so that we can attend this event and learn more about the ongoing strides at WPI. I'm asking you to consider helping me earn my way this benefit with your donation of even a dollar or two. For each person who helps me out with $5 or more, I will enter your name/email into a drawing for $30 in free products from Affordable Mineral Makeup™. If you can send me $10 or more, I will enter your name/email in a drawing for a Flower Bead Set necklace and bracelet from Gurrlie Girl ($68 value; or you may specify that you would prefer 2 entries into the makeup give-away if you would prefer). Any gift of $20 or more will get you entered into both drawings!
Whatever I can collect from this little drive will be donated to the Whittemore Peterson Institute even if I don't reach my ticket purchase goal, so ever little bit helps!!! Today it's a struggle even to walk, sometimes I'm in a wheelchair or simply in bed. Riding a bike just to the end of my block is no longer an option. Swimming is too much for me. Climbing a flight of stairs is overwhelming and leaves me breathless, wobbly and in pain. But I have hope that someday I will have a body that functions as it should again, and then I will be able to dance! Will you help me?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
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