CFS for a few minutes, harder than running marathon!

There's medical data to back up that claim too. Here's an interesting look at one researcher's theories about pain and fatigue processing. When you scroll half way through the article you will see two different sets of charts showing the difference between healthy people and those with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, including the clinical results for pain and sympathetic nervous system reactors after 15 minutes of mild exercise by CFS patients and the same receptors in a healthy person after a 26-mile marathon.
Adrenergic and Sensory Receptor Expression on Leukocytes Increases After Moderate Exercise in Chronic Fatigue And Fibromyalgia.

The activity of a receptor called Type A that’s been implicated in pain doubled in ME/CFS patients who also had FM and showed no increase in healthy subjects at all. Sympathetic nervous system (adrenergic) receptors that detect SNS activity were increased 2-6 times.

How active are these receptors? These sensors, not surprisingly, get really active in marathon runners but they still never got as active in marathoners (after a 26-mile run ) as they did in ME/CFS/FM patients (after a mild 15-minute exercise period).

Wounding Words

I've said some really ugly things to my husband these past few weeks. Things that reflect some very ugly places in my heart, places where confusion and pain and grief and anger are all swirling and crashing as we try to learn and work through what XMRV means to our family, to parenthood, to marriage, to our lives. Grief is hard work, and because we are in very different places with our grief right now, I become fearful and fretful and angry. Like a carbonated bottle, shaken under pressure, I spew out words that shower those closest to me with anything other than graceful blessing.

I think I'm grasping for control in a situation that seems like it's much too far beyond our ability to begin to cope with. You would think by now I would have learned enough about the character of God and His ability and willingness to carry us that I wouldn't be scrambling so hard to hold tight to reigns that are cutting and blister my hands. Instead of leaning into Him, I'm lashing out, thrashing about, grasping hold of anything and everything, and like a downing woman dragging my husband right down under the waves with me.

If I can't control this then I guess I'm trying to control everything else, letting little fears and thoughts and irritations grow in mind until they are blow extraordinarily into grotesque disproportion. The result is to lash out, usually at Rick, and let him take the full force of my emotional explosion's fallout. :(

In my heart I am so thankful for him, so amazed at his gentleness and love. With my words I tear him down and dishonor him. I become obsessive and fearful and in my hurt, I hurt him over and over. I've sent verbal blows to the most personal levels and my heart aches for the pain I see in his eyes, weight I know I have added to his shoulders. Lord, when I want nothing more than to build him up, to bring joy to his heart, why do I continue to verbally shred him?

God's brought us through so much over the years, the loss of a business, the deaths of our babies, infertility, multiple moves, the ongoing ups and downs of health issues. He is, has always been, will always be FAITHFUL. But His faithfulness doesn't mean the journey never hurts.

Father, please show us how to walk this road together in your love that is patient and kind, not rude nor self-seeking, not easily angered nor score-keeping; areas I'm utterly failing at right now. Speak Your truth to our hearts Lord and please give me a heart that protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres because YOU never fail us!

And to the amazing man who stubbornly sticks by my side even when I test the steadfastness of his love by trying to push him away, please know that your sacrificial acts of love are not overlooked. While sometimes I turn a blind eye toward them (though I see far more than I praise you for), God always sees. I know this skit is from a woman's viewpoint, but I want you to know that you are anything but "invisible" even when my wounding words make you feel that way!

Give-Away for my book

I've been posting updates about my current writing progress for my new book on the life of Paul and living with chronic pain/illness over on my Harvesting Hope from Heartache™ blog. And today I also posted a give away for a copy of my book, Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss. To enter the give-away or catch up on my latest writing ventures, please visit HarvestingHope.blogspot.com. :)

Fiction Fridays: Karen Kingsbury

Karen Kingsbury has too many fertility-related stories for me to even list. Visit her website (where you can read her own adoption story!) at KarenKingsbury.com

I'm currently enjoying the Red Gloves Collection. So far my favorite title there is Gideon's Gift. It's not an infertility story (well, one daughter is an only child and there is implication that the parents wanted more) but does involve adult loss and the grief journey. Incredibly touching!



What's your favorite Karen Kingsburry title (related to fertility challenges or otherwise)? Why? Please share!

Funny Fours

My four year old is bringing so much joy to my heart today. I think God custom-drilled those dimples just where he knew they would have the most heart-melting impact. Add to that the funny things coming out of his mouth and I can't help but giggle as I squeeze him. Thank you, Lord, for my beautiful miracles.

This morning he came back to talk to me in bed just after Rick left for work. "Mommy there were two dogs that chased Daddy's car when he left for work. They were big! One was brown. One was white. They ran really fast.
"And they are still big and still white and still brown and still following Daddy's car! All that's the real, true story." All said with huge eyes and great seriousness mixed with enthusiastic emphasis. I guess we have past and present tenses down now. :D

Fiction Fridays: Leisha Kelly

Last week I reviewed Julia's Last Hope by Janette Oke. A similar title with a totally different storyline, Julia's Hope by Leisha Kelly, is not a story about fertility challenges, but rather depicts one family's struggle through the great depression of the 1930s. If you are up to reading a beautiful story about the fierce love of motherhood, enjoy this sweet read.

Feeling Better

I'm actually feeling semi-human again today! :) In celebration, don't miss out on Passover my give-away link over at Hope Harvesters™. My fever broken this morning and my sores are almost totally resolved. I also slept much better last night than I had for quite a while. The amazing thing about having had chicken pox so many times is that each case seems to be blessedly lighter and more quickly resolved than the time before, and adding the anti-viral medicine this time around too, seems to have really helped. I think given the choice between recurrent chicken pox and shingles, I would just as soon keep going this route.

Acyclovir has been hard on my tummy and I'm in quite a bit of pain because I can't take my normal pain pills while taking this. I got a migraine the day before the pox broke out and am still fighting a pretty nasty headache, though it's now different than my typical migraine, so possibly a side effect of the Acyclovir instead? Yesterday the headache was especially vicious. It's still here today, but not nearly as nasty as it has been. The good news is that the Acyclovir has been hard on the chicken pox virus too! My doctor says that as long as I have no oozing sores and no fever, I'm free to be out in public. I had figured church was out on Sunday, but it's actually looking like I might be fine to go.

Tonight our kids are spending the night with my parents. Rick will be at a men's church group meeting this evening and I'll hopefully feel up to starting to tackle paperwork for our tax filing (is the deadline really less than a month away already?!) while the house is quiet. Then Rick and I are taking the whole day tomorrow just to regroup and be alone together after an especially stressful few weeks.

Our last alone time was our latest trip to Stanford, and since the focus of that whole trip was medical, it wasn't terribly relaxing. This will be our first day alone together, without a medical focus, in a very long time and we are both relishing the fact that we get to have a date tomorrow even if we do nothing but stay in bed and watch movies together all day! :) We have a couple of gift certificates, so if my tummy's doing well enough, we might even go out for dinner.

Will be wonderful to have the whole family back together again tomorrow evening. Our youngest has been with his other grandparents since last Sunday and his original planned mid-week return was delayed because I was down so hard. I'm thankful he had such a better week playing on the farm than a very sick Mommy could have given him here at home, but I'm sure missing him and looking forward to having him home again.