Walking More

My therapist said I took a couple steps without him holding on Monday! There's a video from last week when I started walking (with weights on my legs so I can feel and control them better and two therapists walking with me to catch me when I start to fall) on my Facebook page (sorry I couldn't figure out how to post it here - look for March 7 posts or on my husband's page). We praise the Lord that I walked even farther, independently today, though I looked quite drunk! My therapist teased me that I should drink three shots of Brandy before I try to walk and I actually might walk a straighter line.

I have new glasses as of Monday afternoon. Though I can't see crystal clear I see significantly better than I did. I can patch one lens at a time, so while one eye is still visibly out of synch with the other, and while it really throws off my depth perception, this mostly solves the doubled vision at least as a temporary (until my eyes either self-correct or I have surgery in about a year) fix. I'll try to post a picture soon. I don't have peripheral vision with one eye patched, so I'm rather blind unless you are standing right in front of me. I will need to adjust to the change (and hope I don't drive my walker over too many people in the meantime) but I am enjoying seeing clearer and being able to read more! My right eye is my "better" eye overall, but I've noticed when the other eye is patched, my vision is significantly darkened.

My temporomandibular disorder (TMJD) and left shoulder pain are still giving me fits. My therapist is working on the TMJ and when my jaw loudly popped last week I could hear better for a short time (that afternoon), but I am hopeful that addressing this may improve my hearing in the long run. My hearing is still quite muffled and I miss a lot. I haven't recently mentioned my shoulder to the therapist, but I think it is hurting more with exercise, so I will bring it up at therapy next week if it is still bothering me.

I'm still dizzy and sometimes nauseated when I move my head. I've described the sensation to Rick as having a gyroscope in my head. One wrong movement and I'm reeling! I can move my head from side to side a little more now, but my neck still feels like it needs to be adjusted. There is no way I desire to have my neck "popped" again, since that's when all this started with the dissection of an artery at the chiropractor's office.

My hand seems to be working a tiny bit better but is still very weak (especially in trying to spread my fingers apart) and shaky. My therapist says I can start wearing light weights on my arms to help me feel and control them better. I am finally washing and rinsing my own (cut very shot while in the hospital) hair, though my right hand does most of the work. I didn't have the strength to grasp anything left-handed until recently, but can now hold the shower head and squeeze the handle of my walker with my left hand, though my grasp looks funny. My right hand functions well as long as something is firmly passed into it and I grasp solidly before someone lets go. I am, thankfully, right-handed and my penmanship is starting to improve with practice.

My blood flow is still a problem. My left hand and foot often look purple due to blood pooling in them. As I am on blood thinners for at least six months, bruising is not surprising, but I frequently sport many large and ugly bruises. My knuckles look perpetually banged up! I don't feel as continually cold as I did but I still chill easily, in spite of a nearly 30-pound weight gain since I've been home.

I'm excited to make a new friend. Joanne Heim is also a Christian, nearly my age, used to homeschool and is a published author! What a perfect fit of commonalities. She is also recovering from a major stroke (14 months, I think) that was nearly fatal. I look forward to getting to know Joanne better! What an answer to prayer. If anyone knows of other stroke recovery websites, especially Christian-based, please tell me in the comments. I would be so grateful.

Those are today's prayer request and praises. Thank you for standing with me! It is wonderful to have this log to "journal" my ongoing journey. Thank you for walking this long road with me through your thoughts and prayers.

Walked & Teaching School

The best news so far in my recovery has been having our kids home sine Wednesday night. They are scheduled to go back to my in-laws' on the 15th, but at least we are getting closer to bringing them home full-time. We have been doing school again and other than the walker, the emergency call button hanging around my neck, a funny-sounding, slow voice, eyes that don't see well, and a hand that won't work, it feels pretty "normal" again. I tell my first-grader that he can write and cut better than Mommy can, and I worry about my youngest son's speech since I can't pronounce words well, but we are learning. I still need someone else to fix meals, do laundry, and general housework, but we are slowly getting there.


I started outpatient therapy last week. (Technically, I am still categorized as "home-bound" but my amazing hubby gets me and my equipment out the door a few times a week.) Yesterday I WALKED 300 ft.! I needed two attendants to keep from falling, but it was the first time I have been equipment-free since October! My therapist says it will be a long road, but that was a start. He says when he asks me if I want to stop or do more, I always answer that I will do more. He asked if I used to run marathons (funny!) and says my motto seems to be, "Anything worth doing is worth overdoing."

I'll see the regular eye doctor this afternoon and hopefully we can get some eye glasses ordered to address the blurry part of the vision. My mouth is still very numb and I keep biting myself, even on the "good" side because of that. Eventually we will have to address hearing loss issues and dental so I can open my mouth more than an inch, but we can only take so many things at a time. For now I am enjoying being a mother and am rejoicing that I can actually envision a future on my own two feet!

Putting It All Out There

I finally had the courage and energy to update all my regular blogs with news of the stroke today. I don't know why I could tell the world of or infertility and losses, but this, so visible, seems more private and I long to protect my heart. I type today with one eye closed, the other eye watering, single-fingered, and my left hand crumpled against my chest. This is HARD, on marriage, our family, and my heart. I had no idea. But God is still good!

In case I have missed sharing any of this here, the bulk of what I posted to other blogs is as follows:
Last fall, Oct. 2011, I experienced multiple strokes with brain-stem involvement. I have vision loss, doubled vision, hearing loss, a partially paralized hand, and I cannot walk, so I have trouble reading or typing. I am posting updates at http://infertilitymom.blogspot.com/search/label/stroke if you wish to read news. I would be blessed by your prayers as I not only as I fight to recover from this near-fatal experience, but also as I prayerfully work on my next two books, first a devotional on The Fruit of the Spirit and then, if God allows, a Hannah's Hope-style-book on the Apostle Paul and living with chronic pain or illness.

Eye Update

I went to the neuro-ophthalmologist yesterday. We had a nearly 4-hour appointment and my case excited the doctor so much that he called his entire staff in to learn from my exam. Since my neurologist had said last month that I was a "great teaching case" I shouldn't have been surprised. But I am getting tired of presenting complications my doctors have mostly only read about it textbooks but rarely seen in real life. I left his office with several new diagnoses tied to the strokes including cerebellar disease. The good news is that my blurry vision is correctable with normal glasses. The bad new is that my double vision is not correctable even with prism glasses because my vision is "too bad". I might have surgery in a year or more if my vision stabilizes. I know we have much to be thankful for but today I am discouraged.

stroke update

It is about 3 months since my first strokes now. I still see blurry and double so have trouble reading. Can't use my left hand so typing is challenging. Need a walker or wheel chair and doctor say extent of my injuries is profound but hopefully I will mostly rebuild mental connections within two years. Thank you for prayers. Circumstances are hard but God is faithful and good.

six strokes

I just am home this week after having spent nearly two month in the hospital. I still can't walk without a walker, have lost half of the hearing in my left ear, my left side is partially paralized and my eyes are messed up. I've had six strokes and two surgerrs since late October.
Will write more details as able. Went to chiropracter who crimped an arterey and had ambulance ride to Urgent Care. Thank you to all who sent gifts or cards - God used you in powerful ways!
Follow my husband at https://www.facebook.com/ricksaake for updates.

My Next Book

I'm often asked when I'm going to write my next book. In reality I've been in the process of writing a book on the life of Paul as encouragement for living with chronic pain and illness for probably close to 5 years now. Since Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage & Adoption Loss took me about 10 years to write, that may not be such exciting news because it tells you I still have a very long way to go!

What I hope is more exciting, what I would like to ask you to partner with me in prayer about as God continues to unfold His plan, is that two of my other blogs, one on beauty and (now that I've gained more focus for what I want to do with this project) specifically Harvesting Hope from Heartache™, have becoming a launching pads for what I feel God is turning into my "next" book.

Yes, I'm continuing to work on the Given Me a Thorn too, but over the past year God has me focusing more on an exploration of the Fruit of the Spirit (a passage written by none other than Paul himself) through a series of articles I've been writing for Glory and Strength and my InnerBeautyGirlz blog. I've been working on a Bible study related to what He's teaching me and I've written much more than could be presented only in my articles, so I think God's growing a book out of all of this! :)

How does the Fruit of the Spirit tie in with Harvesting Hope from Heartache? I'm glad you asked. ;) It all has to do with sowing seeds, gathering fruit, and ultimately what Source my hope springs from. What better time to look to the Lord for help than in the midst of trials? I'm very excited to see how God is tying so many themes together in my life as He's teaching me through Galatians 5 this year! I pray that this book will be as much of a blessing to you as the journey has been to me.

It is my current goal to have enough of this study written and ready to present to publishers that I can begin the query process around the end of the year or in the very early part of 2012. Will you join me in specific prayer that God will give me His words to write and that this project will unfold according to His will and in His perfect timing?

If you would like to stay updated about my progress, I've just opened a new Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/HarvestingHope and would love to have you "like" me over there. :) If you don't do Facebook or would rather get updates via feeds, please follow my long-standing Harvesting Hope from Heartache blog directly. Feel free to pass these link along to your friends as well.