This isn't the first time I've tried to "stuff straw into a hole" in my heart, thinking that if just "one thing" were different (like, "If only I could get pregnant..." during our infertility years) that all would be well. Striving to change my circumstances from anything other than the plan God has for me seems to be an ongoing struggle in my life. :(
You may remember that I started this year feeling like the "theme word" God had in store for me was to be "peace". While I can feel His peace in so many ways, I know it is something He's still working on my heart to bring to pass. In response to Annie's post I wrote:
Thank you so much Dear Annie, Dear Annie, Dear Annie.
Thank you so much Dear Annie, Dear Annie, Thank you! :D
(Hope you can hear that put to music and that it actually puts a smile on your face.)
I've been quite fixated on a hole for months now. Every time it looks like a straw is available to plug it, I find out the straw's too long, ax is too dull, or the bucket springs an additional leak! My whole world is revolving around the patching of this hole and it keeps me up at night, makes it hard to breath, makes me grumpy toward my loved ones.
For years I've been drawn to the "One Thing" passages of Scripture. I've even jotted notes towards writing a book on the subject. But until reading your post, I somehow managed to avoid realizing that I was replacing the One Thing most important in life with the one thing I'm so fixated upon.
I know myself well enough to know God's going to have to do a lot to help me pry my reluctant fingers loose of my bucket and let Him have full control over the leak. But at least now that I see it with fresh eyes, we can work together toward the goal of putting my priorities back in order. It is going to be a painful process, but in the end it will be much more peaceful than trying to patch this up myself.
"One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple." Psalm 27:4 (NIV)
"...but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42 (NIV)
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:12-14 (NIV)