Great Gain

I've gained weight the past year and a half. A lot of weight.  I was asked three times last week if I was pregnant because I'm carrying most of that weight right out front in my belly.  I had a hysterectomy, then did IVIG and there is no doubt that my hormones are way out of balance. I weight more than 50 pounds more today than I did when I was pregnant with our daughter eight years ago. About 40 of those pounds have been packed on the past 20 months.

I am frustrated. I don't like my body. I don't like getting dressed. I dislike getting undressed even more.  I have stacks of clothes I can't get into, some now 3 or 4 sizes too small, that I've been stashing away for when I can get the pound off.

Today I'm choosing a new attitude. Yes, I would still like to shed some weight, for health, for self-esteem, for so many reasons. But the fact is, this is my body right now. The same Holy Spirit lives inside this broken temple who lived here when I was at my healthiest, most fit, most attractive days. I can make choices that will keep this body as well-conditioned as I am able, but honestly some of this is simply beyond my control.

So today I went through all my clothes, those horded away for someday and those still hanging in my closet, many ill-fitting even though I try to still squeeze into them.  To my delight I found a few things I honestly didn't think would fit that still work nicely. :)  I kept about 5 things that are very near to fitting, just a tiny snug right now, because if I can loose a few pounds and under-grow what I have, I still have a tiny cushion of options before I hit yard sales and consignment stores for smaller sizes.

I sorted and organized all the rest and can walk into my closet and know that absolutely anything I pull off the hanger will fit on this body and I won't have to fight through five or six outfit changes (and accompanying tears and words of self-loathing) just to get dressed in the morning.  And as a bonus, I now get to bless some friends with an abundance of clothing that can be enjoyed again, no longer a source of frustration to their owner.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.

-  1 Timothy 6:6


Father, please grant me contentment in my "great gain" that I can have a heart to fully embrace the body you have given me and glorify you with it, just as I am.