Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Such a Vivid Dream

I hadn't even been thinking of her much lately, certainly not focusing on dates. It snuck up on me quite by surprise this year, Noel's due date, Sept. 2. It was "Labor Day" that year that she was due, the day I was to have been "in labor". Since all my babies have come early, she probably whould have been an August baby instead...

I guess a mother's heart just can't forget, try as I might. For last night in my dreams I held a very vidid conversation with a friend all about Noel and how she was "about to turn 14". I didn't even realize until late in the day that TODAY was Sept. 2 nor connect that the dream was about this very date.

I know I'm rambling, but I can't go to sleep without at least saying, "Happy birthday, my sweet child. You were the first to touch my womb and Mommy will always hold a special place in my heart for you. I miss you even still and look forward to finally wrapping my arms around you and getting to know you some day in Heaven."

What would it be like to have a teenage daughter, a young woman on the verge of becoming an adult, in our home today? This wasn't God's perfect plan and I honestly can't imagine such a different reality than the one we live right now. But every now and then I can picture her and wonder about what could have been. Needing to focus once again on God's beautiful plan for our family just as He chose to build it rather than getting caught up in daydreams (or night dreams) about what can never be.

3 comments:

Triumph said...

A mom surely never forgets.

Sending you hugs

SiftedHeart said...

Hello, I think I found you from a home school group. You are in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your life with so many people.

Maureen Hayes said...

Jenni,

I am writing this through tears. My anniversary comes up shortly (Oct. 11th) and already I feel the creeping sadness coming. So few people even know and no one else remembers, but as you said, a mom never forgets.