Monday, May 10, 2010

Post Mother's Day Blues

This time 16 years ago I was suicidal. My life is so very different now. I have so very much to be thankful for. I am blessed beyond words! My kids and hubby spoiled me like crazy yesterday and we in turn were thankful for another year to spend with our own loving moms. So why on earth am I fighting those nasty old post-mother's-day-blues that became so ingrained into my life during our infertility years?

I still miss my babies. I love the three I've been given here on earth fiercely, and I would grieve any of of them with great anguish would the Lord decided He was calling any one of them Home before me. But none replace the others that I still miss and I don't think there's anything wrong about admitting to that reality that days like Mother's Day are strong reminders of who isn't here.

I ache for many friends
- the after-infertility babies of my sweet friend Shelly who just spent their first Mother's Day without their Mommy after breast cancer took her Home early.
- the after-infertility mom who probably just spent her last Mother's Day with her two miracles as brain cancer continues to steal away more and more of her life
- my friend who still battles through PPD as she faces the 2-year-anniversary of her daughter's death (on Mother's Day)!
- sweet Lori and so many like her who face their first Mother's Day visiting their children at his or her grave
- my single friends who long for families of their own
- the lady who refused a plant from me at church yesterday (and so many like her, like i used to be) with that defiant "I'm not a mom" response that I remember all-too-well

I am blessed. I am thankful. My heart aches with "survivor guilt" and today I need to take the time to grieve afresh before I can move on with renewed joy.

1 comment:

Lori said...

I just can't tell you how much I love you!!!!!!

My heart hurts for your friends too...I cannot imagine. I always try to remember to thank God that my pain is not the pain of well as be thankful for the support that I have.

Lots and LOTS of love!!!