Sunday, March 7, 2010

Showers of Blessing

Because I've lived the "drought" of infertility, I'm hyper-sensitive to the fact that my blessings can cause others pain. Similarly, I never know how to reply when I'm sitting with friends and someone who knows well my challenges pipes up with a phrase like, "Well, as long as you have your health, you have everything." It's not that I don't want others to honestly rejoice for what they have, it just seems people should put a filter on their words sometimes, considering the audience upons whose ears their words may fall.

Unfortunately I've lived so tuned into how I might unintentionally hurt others for so long that often I hurt those closest to me by default. I don't always celebrate my kids like I should, because I'm afraid of hurting someone still in the wait. I don't brag on my husband like I should, because I fear stepping on the tender toes of friends facing singleness, divorce or unhealthy marriages.

God's been working on my heart, reminding me that He is the Giver of all good gifts and that it is fine, even proper, to rejoice in what He has given. Sensitivity to hurting hearts is still good and has a place, but sometimes I need to shout His blessings from the rooftop and leave Him to care for those who might be unintentionally tender to my rain-fall-out. It's a delicate balance I'm still trying to work out and would love your input if you have any ideas.

This week I read a "repost to your profile if..." message at Facebook that I wasn't going to post because I immediately thought of several friends hurting over broken relationships. But God prompted me to think of my husband too and so I hesitantly copy/posted, "If you have a wonderful husband that works hard to provide for you and would do anything just for you and your family, then repost this as your status to give the honest, well-behaved men out there the recognition they deserve!♥ Because great men are few and far between, and I have one of them.♥"

Turned out he had been having an especially hard week at work and had been feeling devalued by me as well. About an hour later he posted, "Great wives are also in short supply, and I have one of the best!"

Thank you, Father, that You are both found in the desert place and where the streams of abundance flow. Please help me to remember to take time to dance in the rain when you shower it upon my heart. Show me the balance between splashing in the puddles with childlike abandon and childishly splashing my blessings in the faces of those who are thirsty.

In the Season of Rain, Pray for Rain posted at (In)Courage today is a great reminder to be thankful for the blessings God showers upon me.


Triumph said...

Great post, and I do understand what you are saying. Thanks for the honesty and I hope that people who are in the waiting will understand this honesty as well.

Tina said...

Jenni, it's nice to hear your heart on this. I kind of always wondered how you made that balance between rejoicing and not wanting to hurt others. This is a struggle I've had as well, but one way I had to do that was facebook. I purposely did not "friend" my HP IF friends for fear of hurting them. I allowed them to friend me if they felt they could. I had to have that place where I could be free to be ALL of me. I'm finding that in my blogging too. It is mostly about being a mom right now because I need to identify with that right now.
Anyway, just had to chime in that you are not alone in your thoughts. Can't say that I have any great suggestions though. =) Hugs!

Lori said...

I wonder about the same things sometimes...I guess I always feel like I stop reading things if I am not able to really handle it, so I hope that others will as well. My intent in writing anything is NEVER to hurt anyone, and anyone who really reads what you write can see your heart and how compassionate and considerate you are!!

Melanie said...

I'm new to your blog Jennifer - just meeting on FB through similar health issues, but this was a beautiful blog entry... one that encouraged me. Thank you.

hadashi said...

i think that sensitivity to others isn't the problem; it's when it prevents you from being honest that it becomes an issue. your recognition of that is half the battle.
i'm glad you posted this; i think it is good for people on both sides of the issue to read. as someone in a loving, thriving marriage, i've felt the same sensitivity towards others who aren't in one, but now i see it differently after a friend who went through a horrible divorce told me that he needed my husband & I to be open about the goodness of our relationship as an example and inspiration of what a healthy marriage looks like.
in the same way -- and i sort of just wrote about this on my blog -- i appreciate the sensitivity of my friends towards my pregnancy losses, but the truth is that i miss MY children, not theirs. their successful pregnancies and live births represent hope to me, and participating in their blessing and their joy is healing for me.
it IS a delicate balance and i think that your seeking God's prompting in your communication is the best way to approach it. when your expression of gratitude comes from humility and not from entitled pride, i believe it does nothing but bless all who hear it.
love you!

Stacey said...

I truly enjoyed this post. I think I lean toward being overly sensitive toward others (because of my own experiences), too. Thanks for helping me to see that it's important to give thanks and be honest about how I'm feeling in happy times as well!