Sunday, November 25, 2012

When I Die

Today's  #NHBPM topic suggestion is “Write about what you want to happen to your blog/ community when you die."

Honestly, I realized how very little I care last year. My husband, my children (living or dead), my writing, my books, my blogs, Hannah's Prayer, none of it even remotely even crossed my mind or mattered anymore, in the moment where I actually came face to face with Eternity.

Later, my concern was for my husband, for my children, but I still don't remember much thought of any of the rest, from the hospital. From a more "grounded" perspective (as in, what mattered to me before and what matters now, from an earthly perspective), I'll try to answer this question from the light of believing how very much people matter and the resources I hope to leave available to others.

So what do I want to happen to your blog/ community when I die? I actually have no concern for the ongoing, long-term perpetuation of Hannah's Prayer. This ministry has far outgrown my narrow vision, long ago. God has raised up generations of faithful leadership there and I believe it may well continue well past my lifetime. I don't even have to be involved any more (I choose to because I am so very blessed by the ladies there) for one lady to reach out to the next and the cycle of blessing to keep unfolding.

I would like to think that as long as the information in it remains medically relevant (I intentionally addressed much more of the emotional and spiritual issues of infertility/loss, than the medical, in hopes of creating a more timeless resource) and/or HP continues to exist, that Hannah's Hope will remain in print. I well-remember what it was like to look for such resources and not be able to find them. I would like to think that such encouragement remains accessible for decades to come, though I know the book has already outlived the generally expected shelf-life of such a title.

Since I am currently in the process of writing 3 more books (I hope to start querying publishers for the first in December or January, though it took about 15 months for HH) I would also hope that each of these new projects have a long publication life as well. Each of their related blogs is listed below.

As for this very blog, I don't know there is much of long-term consequence here, other than one post of eternal significance that I would hope might be read at my funeral.

It is very strange writing about my own death, not having any idea if we are talking near future or many decades still away. It is kind of like a pregnancy due date, I have a general idea of what the normal expectation for my span may be, presuming all continues as anticipated, but I also know thing can happen prematurely or unexpectedly. If God wills to prolong my earthly days, I may well change perspective on some of these ideas, yet again. But no matter what happens, or when it happens, I want my loved one to rejoice with me that the only really important wish of mine has finally been fulfilled once I get to go Home. :)

Today I am thankful that this lifetime is so very insignificant in the span of Eternity!

First Published Book: Hannah's Hope : Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss

Book-in-progress on drawing on the fruit of the Spirit in times of trial: Harvesting Hope from Heartache

Next book-in-progress: 6 strokes at age 39, Stroke of Grace

Future manuscript in the plans: Given Me a Thorn, the apostle Paul's story as applicable to living with chronic illness


Anonymous said...

Honestly, all I remember is laying there telling myself to breathe because my children needed me. Beyond that, I believe I would have very little impact. This world would just keep spinning without me. I learned I make a very small dent and I accept that.

Jennifer Saake said...

Precious Kendra, you have no idea how much you just being here, being alive and fighting, makes to me! I'm sure Scott and your kids would say the same. You very existence makes more of a "dent" to me than I can say! I would be so jealous that you got to go to Heaven without me, but I would miss you SO much! I need you, friend! I still don't know why God allowed you to walk this path, but I am so glad we are in this together!

sheridan (julied on HP) said...

Kendra, I don't know if you were at my dad's funeral or not. Those days following his death were a blur. My dad would have been one to say that he only made a small dent, but the sheer number of people who came to remember him said otherwise. The viewing was supposed to last 2 hours. There were still people waiting to speak to my family when I left after 4 hours. You also have made a bigger dent than you can imagine. There are lives all over this country who you have touched.

Jenni, it is a hard thing to look realistically at what life may be like after we die. Thank you for an honest look and the encouragement to examine it for ourselves as well.